Despite the danger of spiked drinks and date rape, the biggest threat to women when they go out is often the men they're with.

On average, 14 women are raped every day in Thailand.

As of the end of November, 4,693 rapes had been reported this year. In 2004, 5,041 cases of rape were reported nation-wide. These statistics come from the US Department of State and only cover rapes that were reported to the Thai police. While it is very difficult to estimate the total number of rapes, it is generally assumed to be much higher than the number reported.

Date rape is a general term that refers to rapes perpetrated on young, single girls in social situations involving courtship. It falls under the broader category of acquaintance rape, which incorporates rapes by sexual attackers almost always known to their victims.

Like rape in general, the threat of date rape raises urgent questions for women. What are the issues? How can women protect themselves? Most importantly perhaps, why does this happen?

As an illustrative example, Demi (not her real name), a 17-year-old student of an international high school in Bangkok, told Smartlife how she was raped at a party. All names have been changed.

¡°During Christmas break last year, my friend Michelle, who was 19 at the time, threw a house party. A lot of her guy friends were invited. I knew some of them and spent most of my time talking to this guy named Philip. I had a crush on him and he was really nice. The whole night he acted like he was genuinely interested in me.¡±

Since most of the people at the party were already in college, there was plenty of alcohol being drunk. After a time, Philip, who was also 19, offered to mix Demi a drink.

¡°After a few hours, although I only had two of his mixed drinks, I started to feel quite woozy. Philip kindly offered to help me walk up the stairs to Michelle¡¯s bedroom. That¡¯s all I really remember.¡±

Demi woke up the following morning and instantly threw up on her friend¡¯s bed sheets. She felt extremely nauseous and found her underwear strewn across the floor.

¡°I have no recollection of taking them off,¡± she says. ¡°Why would I have to, anyway?¡±

As Demi made her way to her friend¡¯s bathroom she felt a pain between her legs that she had not experienced before.

¡°It hurt a lot when I urinated and when I saw that there was some blood as well, I knew something wasn¡¯t right,¡± she says. ¡°I had read about rape cases in teenage magazines before but never imagined it could happen to me. I knew Philip had raped me that night. I felt so disgusted with myself, so dirty, that I instantly took a shower. I was crying the whole time.¡±

The worst thing was Demi had no proof that she had been raped, and having thoroughly cleansed her body, any possible physical evidence was washed away.

¡°I didn¡¯t know who to run to. I couldn¡¯t bring myself to tell my mother what had happened,¡± she says. ¡°I knew I wasn¡¯t supposed to be at that party, so instead, I confided in Michelle.¡±

Michelle listened intently and showed compassion for her young friend. But when Demi saw Michelle with Philip later, Philip approached Demi and sneered, ¡°you wish.¡±
¡°It pains me that Michelle went behind my back and told Philip,¡± says Demi. ¡°But it pains me even more that no one believed my story, that I ran to the wrong person with it, and that I can no longer do anything about it.¡±
¡°What confused me the most was that it happened with someone I know,¡± says Demi. ¡°Even if we weren¡¯t great friends, I somehow trusted Philip.¡±

People like Demi are not alone.

Although there are no statistics available on date rape in Thailand, American studies offer some insight to such attacks.
One famous study on rape in the US was undertaken by psychologist Mary Koss. Among the startling figures she produced around the incidence and reporting of rape, Koss found that 84% of rape victims knew their assailants, that the average age of rape victims was 21 and that 57% of rapes happened while on romantic or casual dates or were perpetrated by romantic acquaintances.

¡°I believe there are many rape cases that just go unreported. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone my story,¡± says Demi. ¡°But I am telling it now so that, hopefully, other girls will learn from my experience.¡±

It is not possible to clearly identify the men who commit acquaintance rape, says clinical psychologist David Curtis on the website of The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. Curtis works with Long Island Psychological Associates in New York City and is involved in treating victims of traumatic events.

As myths about rape have been dispelled over the years, more women are now aware that potential rapists are not instantly recognisable.

¡°Philip is your average college cutie, the boy next door,¡± affirms Demi. ¡°That just proves that anyone could be a rapist.¡±
Though they cannot help to identify potential rapists on sight, Curtis describes some factors that are often found in men who sexually attack women.

¡°The inability to assess social interactions, as well as prior parental neglect, or sexual or physical abuse early in life may be linked with acquaintance rape,¡± he says. ¡°Taking drugs or alcohol is also commonly associated with sexual aggression.¡±

Of course consuming alcohol is not a cause of date rape, but there is certainly a relationship between the two. Drinking alcohol puts women more at risk, even if they are regular drinkers.

¡°Drinking too much can cloud rational thought and impair memory,¡± Curtis warns, ¡°making would-be victims susceptible to date rapists who may also purposely consume alcohol to heighten their confidence before committing the crime.¡±

According to Koss¡¯ research, 75% of men who committed date rape had taken drugs or alcohol beforehand.

Curtis also warns that date rapists often spike their victim¡¯s drinks, which is most likely what happened to Demi. Most of the drugs used to spike drinks have no taste or smell and are almost impossible for the drinker to detect.

The follow tips can help women protect themselves from rape and sexual assault.

¡Ò Set limits in your social interactions with men, stick to them, and firmly defend them. This is not being old-fashioned ¨C it¡¯s being smart and realistic.

¡Ò Beware of alcohol: both the people who drink it and drinking it yourself

¡Ò Always open drinks yourself. If somebody else makes your drink, always watch them prepare it. This includes bartenders.

¡Ò Drink slowly, so that if your drink has been spiked you will have more time to react. After all, what¡¯s the hurry?

¡Ò Avoid drinking from punch bowls or similar open containers. If a drink tastes or smells strange, don¡¯t drink it. Some drugs, like GHB, have a strong, salty taste.

¡Ò Be very cautious about leaving with someone you just met. If you do, tell someone where you are going and always know how to get home.

¡Ò If attacked, Scott Lindquist, US crime prevention specialist and author of The Date Rape Prevention Book, suggests women attempt to deter their attacker by saying they have some form of sexually transmitted disease.

List of some counselling centres for woman who have been raped or attacked.
Foundation for Women
Tel (02) 433 5149, 435 1246
Friend of Women Foundation
Tel (02) 513 1001
Holt Sahathai Foundation
Tel (02) 381 8834-6
The Planned Parenthood Association of Thailand
Tel (02) 245 7382-5

Angel Rodriguez
Special to The Nation