Please keep Thaksin there. We don't want him here

Before you say it, this is not dismayed sarcasm or a lame attempt at reverse psychology. This letter means every word that is written, and the one and only message that it tries to convey must not be misunderstood. We want you to keep Thaksin Shinawatra in England forever, or as long as you possibly can. Pure and simple.

He calls your country democratically mature and denounces his motherland as a dictatorial backwater where a large sector of the population cannot stand a rich and popularly elected leader.

Let him be there. He may be right. We are seemingly not sophisticated enough to deal with a democratic champion of the poor who has more money than everyone living below the poverty line put together but still needs to evade taxes and swallow up state properties against the will of the laws. Too complicated.

If he has already asked for asylum, give it to him right away before he changes his mind. If he has not, make him an offer he can't refuse. We don't care if that means you give Thailand a slap in the face. Just check our country's sorry state. A patient in a coma doesn't care how he looks.

Of course, a lot of people are making noises about the need to get him back for punishment. But ironically these are the same people who want Thaksin to disappear from the face of the earth. The other group that wants him back has the opposite goal of re-installing him as a democratic hero. So, as you can see, both camps harbour different agendas on his return, which will have the same consequence: disaster.

We may be a minority, but trust us when we say you will do Thailand a big, big favour by keeping the man. Let him launch a clandestine government in exile or simply continue to pull the strings of countless nominees. We won't blame you. If Thailand is as bad as he's saying it is to the world, we deserve to be weakened and undermined by this misunderstood angel of liberty.

We are through debating Ample Rich, Win Mark, SC Assets, the EXIM bank loan or the Ratchadapisek land deal. Thaksin has become a myth - he's either a hoax or something noble smeared by those envious of its virtues. Either way, he's too hot to handle over here.

We have ended up a wreck trying to work out if he was good or bad for Thailand. It's your turn, and the question is equally simple: Will you be helping a good, honest politician fleeing unjust prosecution in his homeland, or are you being used by a skilled con artist? Either way, a democratically mature nation like yours should be able to cope with the consequences of keeping him, without Parliament being seized and blood spilled on the streets.

Again, don't worry. You have little to lose. One half of the world will praise the asylum as your stern message against dictatorship, while the other half will be too exhausted to press on with his controversial cases anyway. And by all means The United Kingdom will be seen as a land of opportunities. Where else can political victims hunted down by ruthless dictators manage to buy a premium soccer club, sit in the director's box and then sell it at double the profit a year later?

We can never win with this man. None of the corruption cases was ever going to make its way to court when he was in power, but now that they have, he deems the courts politically motivated. This, however, doesn't mean we will mind if you take that excuse seriously and grant him asylum. There's a little problem, but we think you can cope. Giving him asylum could spark a "yellow" protest at your Bangkok embassy, but rejecting him will send a "red" army to the same compound. In either event it might cause some panic, but sooner or later embassy staff will get used to it like most of the Thai people.

So please, the least you can do is buy us some time. If you are reluctant to grant him asylum or want to kick him out straight away, a lot of legal time-wasting tactics can be explored. If it normally takes two years, make it five. If it normally takes five, make it ten. In fact, tell us who we have to kill if you can make him a British citizen.

Yours sincerely and God save your Queen,

A group of Thai people.