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Published on April 1, 2008

It is not certain whether Samak will be home today in time to save the country from another coup. Samak has really been enjoying shopping at the fresh market in Vientiane where he took part in the Greater Mekong Subregion Summit. He would have liked to turn the Vientiane summit into a cooking show.

Apparently, Samak has forgotten his own revelation made this past weekend about a coup plot. His comments sparked unease in political and business circles. Interior Minister Chalerm Yoobamrung also claimed to have known of the existence of a coup plot. But General Anupong Paochinda, the Army chief, has insisted that the military would not stage a coup. Of course, nobody believes the general because Thailand is so tied up with coups.

Several eyewitnesses phoned in yesterday to report that they saw tanks and armoured vehicles moving closer to Samak's residence.

It is not known yet what province they came from. But some said they definitely didn't come from Phitsanulok or Lop Buri because Gen Saprang Kalayanamitr and Gen Sonthi Boonyaratglin were no longer in charge.

Whenever a coup occurs, military troops from upcountry are brought into the capital because they are better trained. Earlier, the military had told the public not to panic upon seeing troop movements in the capital because the military would simply be conducting routine exercises.

But eyewitnesses complained that they were having a hard time differentiating between a military coup and military exercises. They asked for someone to produce a handbook for proper etiquette to be observed during a military coup.

During the last coup on September 19, 2006, the Thai public really enjoyed the show. They gave the military personnel red roses in a display of moral support. They took their families out to visit the military encampment in front of Parliament and other public spots so that their children and their loved ones had the opportunity of a lifetime to have their photos taken with soldiers carrying rifles next to army tanks.

The military personnel proved to have good hearts. They called out "Say cheese!" while having their pictures taken with members of the general public. Coup tours mushroomed in Bangkok. Both local and foreign tourists really loved seeing the Thai military in action. Had the coup been extended, it would have brought in more tourist dollars for Thailand.

Samak is expected to clarify today whether the coup that is in the making is going to be met with red roses or rotten eggs. The military is unhappy at Samak's revelation because a coup revealed in advance is just not a proper coup.

There is a conspiracy theory going around that Samak's coup revelation is aimed at diverting attention from former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra. Thaksin said he plans to introduce two world-class investors, who are interested in investing in biofuel and steel projects in Thailand. Secret research has been conducted for a while over the commercial viability of turning Thai jasmine rice into ethanol for high-speed cars like Ferrari or Porsche.

This project will not only earn Thai farmers more money for their jasmine rice, it will also save the world from global warming. Thai jasmine rice has been found to be ideal for use in Ferrari and Porsche engines.

Once this jasmine-rice-turned-ethanol project is announced, the government's popularity would swell at the expense of that of the military. The military is not happy with this political manoeuvre. So the coup plot thickens to test Samak's mettle.

By the way, today is April Fool's Day.

The Nation