Thai lite

Visiting Bangkok is noted anthropologist Antoinette Anthropopoulos, who is doing a study on a subspecies of human she calls Siamised expats, or homo expatriatus Siamensis. I interviewed her at the Rat and Cockroach Pub in Banglampoo.

Dr Anthropopoulos, what is a Siamised Expat?

That's an expatriate living in Thailand, usually a long-time resident, who has become so thoroughly acculturated that we can say he's become Siamised.

Are there many people like that?

Not many. Usually they're found upcountry. I'm trying to devise a scale to measure various degrees of Siamisation, but my study is still in progress. So far I've identified three degrees of Siamisation: Utterly Unsiamised, Semi-Siamised, and Siamised.

Can you tell me something about each of these categories?

Yes. The Utterly Unsiamised Expat is completely unacculturated. He won't touch Thai food, refuses to learn a word of the Thai language, hates everything about Thailand and its people, and is not shy about letting people know about it. Perennially loud, rude, impatient, and arrogant, he gets angry at the traffic, the heat, the noise, and just about everything. He slops about in shorts, sandals and singlet, and is usually covered with tattoos and multiple piercings. Usually he's a tourist, so Thailand doesn't have to contend with him for long. Extreme examples are skinheads and football hooligans.

Not a pretty picture. What about the semi-Siamised expat?

Usually he's been here awhile, or he wouldn't have become semi-Siamised. He's learned how to speak Thai, may even know how to read it, and has studied several aspects of Thai culture. He loves Thai food. He can handle chillies in moderation, but is not too keen on fried grasshoppers.

Wait a minute, I know lots of Thais who aren't keen on fried grasshoppers. That's an Isaan delicacy.  Aren't you confusing Siamisation with Isaanisation?

Possibly, but eating fried grasshoppers is a benchmark, if you will, for measuring Siamisation. It puts foreigners so far out of their own cultural loop that they win extra points.

I'm having trouble with some of your criteria. Some skinheads or football hooligans might eat a few fried grasshoppers just to prove their machismo.

True, but the test is whether they actually like eating them. Let me continue. The semi-Siamised expat can tolerate the heat, the traffic jams, and the noise without complaining. He doesn't mind being in bars where the music is so loud that it ruptures his eardrums. He doesn't get angry unless really provoked, and generally maintains a "jai yen yen" mentality. He doesn't get upset when people are late, and even watches Thai television. When he goes back to his home country he feels a little disoriented.

And the completely Siamised expat?

Hardly any expat ever becomes completely Siamised, but we have some who come close. This sterling specimen speaks Thai fluently, and reads and writes it. He's very knowledgeable about many aspects of Thai culture. Usually he's settled here, is married, and is raising a family. He sends his kids to Thai schools and contributes liberally to the local temple.

He eats nothing but Thai food, and tosses down handfuls of mouse-turd chillies with joyous abandon.  He loves eating fried grasshoppers, except for the legs.

The Siamised expat enjoys noise. He adores karaoke bars, and is ecstatic when loudspeakers in his village blare morlam music at ear-shattering volume throughout the night. He's addicted to Thai TV, too, especially soap operas and slapstick comedy. He likes traffic jams, using them as an opportunity to practice meditation. He thrives on hot weather, and starts to shiver if the temperature plunges below 35 degrees Celsius.

He expects people to be late, and is shocked when they're not. Delays and hassles do not disturb him. He waves aside with a cheery smile every inconvenience, every provocation, for he knows that all is transient. His twin mottoes are "jai yen yen" and "mai pen rai." Whenever he returns to his home country, he feels completely out of place.

Sounds like a rare bird. Anything else?

Yes, I'd like to request feedback from your readers. I may have got some criteria wrong and may have overlooked others. And I'm still trying to develop criteria for intermediate categories like minimally Siamised and almost Siamised.

S Tsow  

You can send feedback to S Tsow at stsow@yahoo.com, except when he's wondering why Siamised expats won't eat grasshopper legs.