Michael learns to rock Bangkok

Published on September 24, 2007

This is no weapon of mass destruction, though, but of flesh and blood. We're talking about one genuine hunk of diplomacy: Michael Turner.

Our reporters came back drooling after a recent cocktail party at the embassy where Turner, a Thai-American, was introduced as its new spokesman.

Some were convinced that Turner is part of Washington's strategy to divert attention away from - oh, let's say Iraq. The CIA has surely briefed the White House on the fact that Thais are suckers for good-looking look krueng, especially if they can speak a little of the lingo.

But Thailand and the US have been allies for so long - surely Washington can't be that cruel!

Another party guest twisted the knife by saying Michael is related to Ted Turner, the founder of CNN. If that were the case, he'd be not only good-looking, he'd be loaded!

The new guy at the embassy is certainly turning heads. If their public-relations office plays its cards right, we'll be seeing Michael in a lead role on some soap opera. That will really get Thais' minds off Iraq, as well as Iran, Afghanistan, North Korea, South Korea, our southern problems, our problem prime ministers and everything else.

But, wow, talk about diplomats being good at putting on their best face. Michael Turner's going to need a bodyguard or two.

Mr Embassy Facelift gets his look krueng dazzle because his mother's Thai, and he's worked in Thailand before, so he knows a fair bit about our culture.

Turner's been brushing up on his Thai too, including the latest slang. How about gig?

What's gig? he asked enthusiastically.

Having been apprised of the term for an unofficial, non-main squeeze, he promptly updated the rest of the embassy staff.

So, does he have a gig or not? "I don't think anyone I know has a gig," he replied.

Yes, well, that's sort of the point: You don't go around telling people that you have a gig (forgetting the fact that we just asked him whether he had one).

But at least now he knows the word and he'll be able to understand headlines like "Lydia: No way I'm Thaksin's gig".

Anyway, all this is purely academic, if you can call gossip academic: Turner is happily married. He's even got a two-month-old baby.

Never mind - he's a babe.

Michael has rejoined us this time from Japan, which he described as a difficult place for a foreigner to live. "Well, maybe not that difficult if you happen to look like Brad Pitt," he said, possibly joking.

He doesn't look anything like Brad Pitt but, in this country, what he has is even better.