The Patriot, Episode 1: The Motherlanders

Published on September 17, 2007

Patriotism was moaning with satisfied pleasure, again and again, last Tuesday as the stalwart heroes of the new Pua Paendin group (or is it a party?) stood side by side on the stage of the Queen Sirikit National Convention Centre and declared themselves "For the Motherland".

There they were, a glowing array of mighty champions aligned for the coming election and, ultimately, the benefit of all the people: Vatana Asavahame, Somsak Thepsuthin, Snoh Thienthong, Surakiart Sathirathai, Suwit Khunkitti, Pinij Jarusombat, Lalita Rerksamran and Suranand Vejjajiva.

Who needs the X Men when these good folks stand ready with their superpowers, each and every one of them returning to the political fray exactly when the country needs them most?

Somsak's speech alone was enough make a strong man bawl like a baby. It would be selfish to give up on politics now, he said. "What excuses would I have if I don't pay back my homeland?"

That's right, Somsak, there's a job to be done, and you and your 100 former MPs - mostly from the crucial Northeast - will be able to get Thailand back on course at last.

He's been away from politics for awhile, he explained in his beloved aw-shucks style, because he's been busy working for The People in various constituencies. His wife seemed to want to laugh out loud at that moment, but we're pretty sure it was just a smile of pride.

But, while Mel Gibson was clearly the star of his movie "The Patriot", Somsak graciously leaves top billing in this scenario to others on his team of superheroes.

At first glance, Surakiart seems the obvious leader of the pack. He deserves full credit for bringing together a disparate crew of characters on behalf of the Motherland. It's too bad he's Banned From Politics For Five Years, because he could do so much more for the new party.

The man is a magician, admit it. Who else could assemble these names and, with a wave of his microphone, make us all completely forget what these guys were up to during the fat old Thaksin Shinawatra days?

But centre stage this night really belonged to Snoh. No one else has sacrificed so much for the nation over the years, and the sacrifices continue. He is actually willing to give his entire Pracharaj Party to the Motherlanders. He will change its name to Pua Paendin. More magic!

Wily is the word for Snoh, who labels himself "anti-Thaksin". He's just given away his party. That had to be a head-spinner for the many members of the Pracharaj who used to be That Rak Thai MPs!

But they can calm down, because there on a steam train that's bound for glory, and riding the fast track with them will be their fellow Motherlanders, who can now jump past the time-consuming process of registering a new party thanks to a merger with Pracharaj.

So Episode 1 ends with Snoh hoisting the award for Most Patriotic and Wiliest, while Surakiart and Somsak settle for runner-up spots.

Go get some popcorn, but be back in your seat for the start of Episode 2, in which more incredibly patriotic citizens emerge from the wings. We have a long way to go before the presentation of the ultimate prize, the Mel Gibson Trophy.