Big Girls Don't Cry

You can't expect everyone to be there 24/7.

All of my life, I was that person - the one who leaves every few years and never makes any real friends.

Miraculously, I have lived in Thailand for exactly four years now and I have witnessed my fair share of people coming and going. I never used to care, really. But last Friday, when I found out that one of my friends was leaving, I swear my heart got a sprain.

It isn't everyday I meet someone that I end up really caring about.

People in Bangkok right now that I can say I'd really miss if they left can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Lukas, the leaver, was one of those fingers.

I met Lukas sometime last year but only started really talking to him and hanging out with him around four months ago.

People don't usually make an impact on me, but I have special "finger people": people I meet and I know they are in my life for a reason.

My thumb represents the person that gives me advice and never hesitates to lend a shoulder to cry on.

My pointing finger represents the person that I call when I feel like playing some pool or going out for drinks in the middle of the night.

My middle finger represents my "other half" - the one I trust the most. My ring finger represents the person I love, though I won't specify whether it is a unrequited, platonic, or romantic.

My pinky represents the person I care for the most, the one I would protect and stand for through thick and thin.

These finger people; they help me figure out who I am and who I want to become. They help me realise what's important and what simply isn't. They hold my hand and strap me in through this roller-coaster called life. I won't mention which finger Lukas is, but he is one of them. And by September, he'll be in New York City.

My non-finger friends call me a drama queen for moping so much about this. "Don't be so emotional," they say. "He'll be back." "Sure, but when?" I think. "New York is a long way away. A plane ticket costs a lot of money.

My parents promised me I'd visit the Philippines a lot when I first moved to Thailand. And I am going back for the first time next week - after four years!"

I turn on the radio to block out their words. Fergie sings, "I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but I've gotta get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now. And big girls don't cry…"

A tear falls. I guess God made me short for a reason. I will never be a "big girl". Crying shall always be a part of my life; just as Lukas hopefully will be. Despite the distance, I won't let that finger be severed.

By Wonderwoman