After the big fight, be sure to assess it

Differences in opinion are spurred on by the most petty of things, from being overly jealous to more serious issues such as fundamental differences in religion or family values. It could range from entertainment to hardcore politics.

But it actually really doesn't matter. An argument is an argument, and absolutely every single one has the potential to seriously mess up your relationship.

The bottom line is that - no matter how heated or trivial the argument - you need to be certain that this fight served as a building block in your relationship. There are constructive and destructive arguments, and people tend to be so absolutist and pessimistic that most secretly feel their arguments have been destructive. Others try to forget about it - they bottle it up.

Constructive arguments do exist, even when you're shouting at each other at the top of your

lungs and you get so disgusted with your partner that you don't even want to look at him or her.

The key to keeping things constructive is to make sure that, at some stage, when you've had enough of acting like complete idiots, you assess the argument and make sure you know exactly what the fight was all about.

The first question that needs to be asked is how it was initiated. One of the most obvious areas to look is whether your or your partner had a bad night's sleep or whether he or she is feeling particularly stressed about something.

It's highly likely that external factors will be responsible for your arguments. It's almost

illogical to expect a loving couple to get into an unreasonably strong argument instead of discussing such factors like mature adults.

The second question is whether there were any underlying issues that caused the argument to get out of hand. A lot of the time, a heated row may actually have nothing to do with the issue at hand at all.

"I remember getting into a fight over how my boyfriend never cared much about current events when I was in fact annoyed at him because he would never drive me home," a close friend confided to me.

The final question is whether every single one of the issues involved was healthily resolved. A post-mortem discussion is an obligation, not a choice, after a fight. A good way to find out whether the issues have been resolved is to see if you can look into one another's eyes properly. Any discomfort, and it's rather likely that something is unresolved. Continue talking.

Assessed properly, your most heated arguments are invaluable in revealing your deepest insecurities, your worst fears and your

truest self. It serves as one of the best opportunities for you to know each other better.

And finally, it's a test of whether you can survive as a couple - because if you can't talk

to each other sensibly, you're better off parting ways.

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