Perhaps this is why, when we are old enough to be granted the vote, we have achieved the wisdom to regret much of what politics has to offer because politicians always live down to our expectations. So, do we expect too much? Yes. And so we should, for the trough we make available to them.

Thais who are sick and tired of the political posturing rightly blame those on the stage for not having the guts to do the right thing, not just because they won't do the right thing but because they have lost all sense of what the right thing might be.

This is all the more distressing since the country, despite its obscene inequalities, is so obviously richer than it was. Perhaps the material progress ought to be paralleled by moral progress. The fact that it isn't is depressing, educational and urgent.

Meanwhile, its all about unearthing crimes and hearing no repentance, which is a bit like the CNS saying, "We don't mind the fact all these people were corrupt. What annoyed us is that they denied it."

Someone told me that the trouble with Thailand is that it is governed by rogues, some of whom even manage to skulk in broad daylight. But then, seeing there's an awful lot of rogues in Thailand, surely they need representation too?

Like it or not, Thaksin's absence is a presence.

***

Attempts to get through to a human being at a certain insurance company in Bangkok.

"For English Press '9'." Did that. Zilch. Minutes later there's an engaged signal. You press "0" again and get an exercise in iced corporate manners with an automated "Hello, Pui speaking, can I hell you?"

This is so demeaning to both parties; it would be far more human and engaging if Pui said: "Listen up. I've had a bastard of a day so you'd better not mess me about for both our sakes. For English, PRESS NINE! Got that?"

It's the high probability factor that this will lead to yet another automated message - or nothing at all - that leaves you in a weeping, foetal heap and reduced to shouting at the robotic Pui. "I pressed '9' 25 minutes ago and that's how I ended up back here, you heartless automated prat."

It's almost impossible to book up for any entertainment without going through all this. By next Songkran, if you want to reserve a hotel room in Chiang Mai you'll have to ring a call centre in Bangalore that says, "If you wish to reserve a seat in the smog, press 'four'."

***

There have been lots of warnings from embassies about travelling to Thailand recently. But that's what embassies do. And it's a hell of lot easier than refusing expensive visa applications - though not as much fun. The point is, they just don't want people finding out things for themselves, so they get a tour guide to announce in Mangalese: "Whatever you do, do not leave the hotel grounds as the locals will abduct you, drain your blood and use you as a bottle opener. If you do want to experience the local way of life, on Saturday we have a very popular "gibbon in a basket" evening, and on Sunday our resident band will play 'Hotel California' on the pan pipes."

Meanwhile, the British Foreign Office announced: "There is only one ATM machine in Afghanistan."

 And it's riddled with shrapnel.

***

Got soaked yet? My soi has looked like a set right out of Waterworld since Friday afternoon. Pressured water guns "will be banned" the authorities warned us. I have seen nothing else except triple-decked pump-action squirters. Dyes and powder are "not allowed". The whole soi is smeared with the stuff - including the dogs. Girls should not wear "spaghetti" straps. Believe me, the girls are so wet even donning a burka would be useless. "Only four people will be allowed in the back of pickups", droned a government suit. The last five that went by my window were carrying about 32 each. Every face soaked with laughter.

You can't regulate fun. Sanuk is sacred. It's the people's pleasure.

***

Michael Rubin, the American neo-conservative and an Iran analyst, said the British showed themselves to be "Marmite-eating surrender monkeys". Even better, one Brit, after hearing of the kidnapping of the British sailors off the coast of Iran, said: "My God! How did the English cricket team paddle out that far?"

As for the heated debate over whether the sailors should sell their stories to the media, Sir Winston Churchill made a handsome amount of cash while a serving officer from 1897 by writing for newspapers. What has changed?

***

Quote of the week:

"I'm prepared to give it a go, but only if the Air Vice-Marshal shows me how to do it first."

A pilot reacts to a suggestion from Air Vice-Marshal David Walker that the RAF should consider suicide attacks.

***

Letter to The Times (London):

"Dear Sir, I have the distinguished honour of chairing a committee to raise £1.2 million to place a statue of Tony Blair at the Houses of Parliament. The committee is finding it difficult to select a location as it cannot be near that of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor Lloyd George, who never told the truth, because this prime minister can never tell the difference."

So, "Keef" Richards claims he never snorted his dad's ashes. Shame. It was such a priceless image. But then years ago, on being asked to autograph a fan's school chemistry book, Keef replied: "Sure thing, man. I used to be a laboratory myself once."

Apparently, Angelina Jolie has decided to call her new adopted baby Pax Thien, which roughly translates as "Up yours, Madonna, I saw him first."

***

Here at The Nation, if someone does get through to your desk, and you ask a colleague for a pen and paper to write down the message, they smirk: "A pen? Some paper? Are you Amish or something?"

The IT revolution was supposed to reduce the amount of stationery in offices. Personally, I think this is tosh. It also reminds me of the story about the Indian civil servant whose desk was piled high with files that were so old that no one ever looked at them, or ever would look at them. They were cluttering up the office terribly, and he asked his boss whether he could throw them away.

"Yes," he replied, "provided you copy them in triplicate."