The G Man had just finished winding up the Jazz Royale Festival's opening night at Sanam Sua Pa 10 hours earlier. The press conference was a secret between the artist, the media and the hotel.

A middle-aged guest from London noticed the hubbub, though, and asked a reporter if, you know, maybe a Major Motion Picture Star was checking in, or possibly Madonna was coming to buy some Thai kids.

No, said the reporter, who is not to be trusted with secrets ever again, it's a press conference for Kenny G.

Kenny who?

Kenny G.

Oh.

Who's Kenny G?

The world's most popular jazz artist, the reporter replied, stretching the truth a little for maximum journalistic impact.

"I've never heard of him," the tourist said. "I'm not into jazz, but maybe my husband knows him."

It's just possible that Kenny will have to call off his next tour of Asia and do some dates in Europe instead, especially London.

There ought to be a lot of people in England with the same surname, Gorelick - he just has to be more honest about it. Otherwise he's going to have to compete with Ali G, the famous former alter ego of British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, now ruling the world with his hit film "Borat".

Progress report on the 'F-word' book

The anonymous British diplomat who's taken it upon himself to guard Thai women against Western Casanovas has finished the first draft of his book, "Rawang Farang".

Across 12 chapters and 140-ish pages, the book sets out the perils of trusting too much in pampered expatriate professionals, who play with the hearts of local women with little regard for responsibility.

We're told that, after a cynical canter through the cultural and social differences that weigh the dating game heavily in the farang's favour, the book ends on a high note. The closing chapters are devoted to helping Thai women regain the upper hand in the game so they can put Mr Not-Quite-Right in his place. The suggestion is that the only way to capture a good farang's heart is to make him do all the work!

The draft is now being scrutinised by a several Thai women and men whom the author has asked to polish and otherwise improve the content before it's translated into Thai.

Yes, the book is for Thais, not farang. Keep your eyes peeled for it, because it was written to counter the slew of books that coach Thai females to do anything necessary to snag a foreign husband.

A little pooch

Puccini, please

Here's something that the Tourism Authority of Thailand should maybe get behind: Thailand as a shopping destination for pet-lovers.

Israeli classical singer David D'Or, who recently performed at Bangkok's Siam City Hotel, had only one hour to shop in the capital, but instead of saying "take me to the fanciest mall you have", he headed to doggy land.

Doing his bit to make Thailand the petshop hub of the world, he totally stocked up on pooches.

"They're waiting for me outside," he told his audience. "I bought not one, not two, but three!"

The parade of puppies were indeed sitting in the limo waiting to be whisked with D'Or to the airport. They all flew off together three hours after the show, possibly leaving behind a miffed limo driver holding a bundle of soggy newspapers.

We bet these canines will be classically happy with the famed countertenor. He likes to get his audiences singing along with him, and will no doubt be coaching his new chorus to howl along with Handel.

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 veen@nationgroup.com