It was the newest version of a song I had heard since my birth more than half a century ago. The kindergarten lyrics - "Chang Chang Chang Chang Chang, have you kids ever seen Chang?" - doesn't bring back good childhood memories, though. In fact, they represent a major irony that is rubbing salt in my wounds.

Damn right I have seen Chang. It's everywhere. On the streets, in every building, in the kitchen, in the toilets and in the bedroom. I have seen it and heard it a thousand times a day since they enforced a ridiculous law banning all kinds of liquor advertising. Traditional advertising to be more specific.

I threw the clock against the wall. It was the tenth clock I had destroyed this month. No big deal. Alarm clocks with the likes of "Chang Chang Chang" and "Happiness You Can Drink" tones are available free at every 7-Eleven outlet across the country.

Seven-thirty am: Having drank "Heineken" coffee from a Johnnie Walker cup (also a free handout), I grabbed a Budweiser towel and headed toward the bathroom. In the nearby living room, "The Lion King Part XXXIII" was on TV. The cute Hollywood drawing had long gone and Zamba now looked dubiously like that mythical animal branded on the bottle of a Thai beer.

The license allegedly broke all Disney records.

I told myself to brace for a new rock version of "Chang Chang Chang Chang Chang". Scores of artists have sung that damned song - in styles of rap, jazz, classical, heavy metal and you name it. Every time a new Lion King is released, a new Chang song will hit the market, and vice versa.

Eight-fifteen am: What should I wear today? A Regency polo shirt with a Swing necktie?

Or should it be a Spey Royal shirt with a Chivas Regal jacket?

Or a Jim Beam belt with Beck's shoes?

Never mind. The handouts don't look as lousy as they were 10 years ago. In a bid to keep their brands in public view and with a big surplus of "below the line" advertising funds, the liquor companies have upgraded their freebies in both quality and quantity. In fact, they are so good that nowadays people don't need to buy clothes anymore.

Nine am: A Western tourist with a map stopped me on the footpath near my house. He seemed confused when, after giving him the direction, I uttered something that must have seemed totally senseless: "My Country, My Beer."

I fought off a pang of shame as he walked away. As the old saying goes, "The shameless win, the shy lose", so what the hell. After all, someone just got a Bt20 million jackpot after greeting a total stranger who turned out to be a "reality show worker" from a whiskey company by saying "Keep Walking".

Ten am: At my usual BTS station, a lot of pupils donned 100 Piper caps and carried Asahi schoolbags. I felt more drunk than 12 years ago when there were only a couple of Jack Daniel's posters on the platform. The distribution of kids' materials had sparked a social responsibility debate, but after a beer company took advantage of the period of conscience and had pens with its logo in schools all across the kingdom, it has been a steep slippery slope ever since.

Eleven am: I stepped aside for a herd of elephants walking in a good straight line past my office. Rumour had it that it was part of an underground promotional campaign to keep a certain brand alive because they had been roaming Bangkok streets day in day out. I didn't believe the manufacturers could go that far, and I'd often blamed my ears when I seemed to hear lions roar in my neighbourhood at night.

Nine pm: I was eager to leave work before I got too drunk to have real liquor. My office was filled with chairs, coolers, papers, books and all kinds of logo-carrying materials. But a boring day at the office was going to get a bit more exciting.

 Ten pm: I was being stalked. That seven-foot gorilla had been watching me since we were on the skytrain and followed me from the terminal. I almost jumped when he suddenly cut in front of me and greeted me outside a convenience store.

"Sir," he said awkwardly with a great deal of respect. "Could you buy two packs of beer for me? I and my friend are having a party but I'm just 19."

Eleven pm: As I was at long last enjoying the taste of real liquor on my sofa, a friend knocked on my door. I welcomed the interruption because, being an ardent soccer fan, I was watching Liverpool (Carlsberg) vs, Everton (Chang) in a stadium strewn with liquor advertisements was as good as watching a blank screen.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Liverpool are playing Everton," I replied.

"Oh really? I thought you were watching Japanese porn."

Tulsathit Taptim