What kind of government do we have? An excuse for one, where justice is open for all, just like The Oriental. (If you can afford it, you're in.)

People don't want to know what the law is, but who the judge is. Personally, I think 90 per cent of all our politicians look a touch jaded. They have the look of men who have heard too many confessions, too many secrets.

Can politics here be described in two words? Yes. Instant Macbeth. And if being a prime minister of Thailand seems to be less of a position and more of a predicament, then Khun Thaksin appears to have a worrying sense of entitlement. Yet, even in his misfortune he is fortunate. Perhaps he can take comfort from Winston Churchill who observed, "Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result." But surely our leader must have realised by now that success is like wrestling a gorilla. You don't quit when you're tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.

However, this could be problematic. One day the no-voters will get in, then where will we be? 

***

Considering the vast sums that politicians can make, luxuriating in wealth that might make a sultan blush, it might be churlish to suggest that the government is only getting the press it deserves, but let's allow it anyway. One can imagine Cabinet ministers sitting in the backs of high priced Mercs on gridlocked roads, reading The Nation and the Bangkok Post and shuddering at the indignity of it all.

It's a reality that these days emotions and feelings count for more than even a passing nod to any objectivity. In more confident times this wouldn't be a problem. After all, many of us our ignorant of our own ignorance and it doesn't disturb us a bit. But indifference is no longer a defence.

The fact is, a shade over five years have turned Thai politics into a train crash. A looted one at that. It is vulnerable to derision. That's why the pro-Thaksin radio shows doctor the truth for their supporters' consumption. Your opinion matters, as long as you agree. If you don't, the delivery is spittle flecked, venomous, scary. It's like watching two winos fight: bloody and not much skill involved.

And if the elections aren't held within a month a fellow called Noppruj Worachitwuthikil has promised to set fire to himself in front of the Election Commission's office. One can only admire his restraint. And our need for entertainment.

Thailand needs better-educated citizens, kids need better-educated parents and we all deserve a better calibre of leadership. As the old Italian proverb has it: Governments are like underwear. They need to changed often and for the same

reason.

***

Wouldn't Mr Thaksin and his ilk help their own cause if they saw the independent media as allies, not rivals? In dealing with corruption, which Mr Thaksin claims is such a crucial policy, surely a vigorous press should be given every incentive to investigate and to reveal abuse of office - and thereby help the government?

Corruption is more likely to be exposed if the press can report without fear or favour. The press can be cheeky, glib and in your face - but it does have a valuable social purpose.

***

I have sympathy for the dwindling number of family-owned shops in the kingdom. The English believe that Tescos arrived in Britain as black rats. Then bred. Speaking of which, I saw some graffito on the side of a local mom and pop store: "Vote for Mr Thaksin. Because Democracy is

DANGEROUS".

***

Comforting, or maybe even irritating, to know that problems of bureaucratic waste and corruption in Italy are probably of superior quality to what they are here.

It was announced last week that an office set up to shut down 139 pointless public works was itself still open - four years after it was supposed to close.

Its own running costs had been US$34 million (Bt1.27 billion) a year. Wonderful.

It's also a relief to discover that President Obiang of the tiny state of Equatorial Guinea has never managed to equal the bloodthirsty reputation of his uncle Francisco Macias Nguema, whom he overthrew. Macias had opponents executed, 150 at a time, to the sound of Mary Hopkin's "Those Were the Days" blaring through stadium loudspeakers.

***

One sample question, cited in the New Chivalry Party police entry exam, asks: "What is the punishment for taking a bribe under the Thai penal code?"

One answer: "Bt2,000 and a new motorcycle?"

By the way, when the New Chivalry Party achieves power, senators will all be required to wear togas on Friday.

Think of the positives for the fashion industry. Purple is back.

***

When I was about nine, my late uncle once produced a revolver out of his old trunk. "This was my grandfather's. He shot a German with it."

"Wow, was that during WWII?

"No, it was on a beach Majorca. They had a row over a sun lounger."

***

Quotables:

"It's good to be here tonight ... it's good to be anywhere tonight." - Keith Richards.

"The chill that filled the auditorium couldn't have been more pronounced if Christopher Lee had walked in with a tray of ice cream." - Bob Stanley from the Times on the revamp of the movie "The Wicker Man".

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Sunday thought:

The comedian Paul Merton believes that the Catholic idea of heaven and hell is full of extremes. "It's either eternal bliss, walking around on clouds playing table tennis with Mozart and Cary Grant, or eternal damnation where you have to light Hitler's cigars."

Compiled by Roger Beaumont