Don't ask me how I got the transcript. In this era of "modern diplomacy", anything is possible, including a leak like this one.

Dictator: How are you? You arrived on such short notice. Sorry to hear about the accident involving your motorcade.

Visitor: I was in a hurry. We did not have much time to prepare for the trip after you agreed to meet us, but thanks for the opportunity. It's an honour to be the first foreign leader to visit your new capital.

Dictator: Not at all. In fact, I should thank you - for taking the risk of coming here.

Visitor: Risk? What do you mean?

Dictator: We are in different worlds now, my friend. You are a champion of democracy - well, at least that's what you're telling everyone. I'm one of the worst tyrants to ever walk on this planet. Your ambiguous association with me could taint your name.

Visitor: Please don't say that. We are best friends. I can always tell them that we talked about drug suppression, the joint development of natural resources and, yes, that lady prisoner of yours. You see, there are a hundred topics I could tell the media that we discussed.

Dictator: The lady prisoner, huh. What are you going to tell the world? You have never once called for her release over the past five years. But for your UN secretary-general campaign she would have been absolutely non-existent in your foreign policy.

Visitor: We can say I came to express neighbourly concern about your political situation. That sort of routine stuff, you know.

Dictator: Let's see if I've got this right. Someone over the past six months has been facing a popular revolt in his own country and has just written to the world's superpower to complain about a major conspiracy to dethrone him. This someone virtually dragged his top officials out of their beds or away from urgent work and raced his motorcade to the airport to register his routine concern about the political situation in a country where the leaders can cancel elections and relocate capital without fuss. Do you expect anyone to believe that? Look at your army chief: He's still reading fresh reports on the latest bombs and arson attacks in your country.

Visitor: I know. But everything needs a bit of convincing nowadays and my government will take care of that. Moreover, there is always the issue of oil and natural gas exploration to add weight to this trip.

Dictator: You haven't listened to me, have you? You are a defender of democracy, pal, and, hate to say it, but, no defender of democracy in his right mind would do business with me. People would charge that I'd use the money to finance the suppression of my opponents, and that any joint venture would prolong and expand my nation's forced labour.

Visitor: Haven't you read that great international magazine? The world is much more apologetic and flexible nowadays and even the best-known advocates of democracy aren't as rigid as they were before. Business comes first and principles can wait. By the way, you sounded just now as if you didn't want our Exim Bank loan.

Dictator: And you just sounded like you don't know where much of the money actually went.

Visitor: Let's change the subject.

Dictator: It's you who asked about the "risks". I'm just trying to point out a little irony. What if my lady prisoner wrote to the superpower saying she was a political victim? What if she wrote YOU? How would you react in such a circumstance?

Visitor: I would just say that I'm concerned, but my bottom line would be that it was part of your internal affairs.

Dictator: Bingo! I love the words "internal affairs". I won't debate whether we should wash our dirty linen in public, but my point is you and her are pretty much the same now. You are both democracy defenders at the end of your ropes. And one democracy defender isn't supposed to associate surreptitiously with the captor of another. Get what I mean?

Visitor: Why don't you just let her go then?

Dictator: What are you suggesting? So that both of us can get political credit? Sorry, my friend, I'm a hard cash sort of guy.

Visitor: I know what you mean. By the way, talking about cash, it's quite a huge oil field you've found out there.

Dictator: Wow, you're quick - as always. Now, let's get down to real business. Tell me what you are here for ...

 Tulsathit Taptim