The Shinawatra and Damapong families and their sundry household staff probably owned about half – say Bt23 billion. This stake has just been sold for Bt73.3 billion. It roughly tripled over five years, a rate of growth of 26 per cent. Not bad when the economy is growing at around 5 per cent. All boats rise, but some rise a lot more than others.

Of course, you would also like to do that well, so here is an easy guide.

1. Before you can sell a country, you first have to acquire one. Business is fine, but the rate of return improves magnificently when business is combined with political power. It’s usually quite difficult to buy a country on the open market, but after a devastating financial crisis, the price weakens, and most competitors are taken out of the picture. (Chang Noi offered advice on “Ten easy steps to buying a country” on July 31, 2000.)

2. Acquire some politicians. Their price is surprisingly reasonable. Buying in job lots is more efficient (sometimes called party mergers), but the basic principle is to acquire any who are not nailed down. Your target should be to acquire the number needed to ensure that parliament cannot submit you to any serious scrutiny.

3. Have a core business in which the profit level is ultimately determined by government rules rather than market competition. A licensed-casino monopoly would be perfect, but a good second-best is a near-monopoly business operating under a government concession with a built-in advantage over competitors. Then all you have to do is keep the existing arrangements in place, sabotage the regulatory environment, delay calls for market liberalisation, even improve your own concession terms, if you’re feeling ambitious. Competitors will wear themselves out complaining about playing fields not being level, while you maintain your market share and profit level.

4. Diversify into areas where government actions can again have a significant impact on returns. Tax holidays under investment-promotion rules or cheap finance from public-sector banks are good. Best is to buy a business that is unprofitable because of a strict government-licensing agreement and high concession fees. Then simply tearing up the agreement and lowering the concession fee will have a spectacular effect on profits. It’s also a good idea to diversify into areas where you know government policies should improve the prospects, such as air travel or healthcare or personal finance. And work on that idea of a casino monopoly in the future.

5. Stamp hard on any possible sources of scrutiny or criticism. Buy up any television stations that are on the market. Reverse any trend towards liberalisation in electronic media that are under state control. Whip the press into line by threatening their bottom lines. Get friends to buy stakes in newspapers that still don’t understand. Close down any production companies, radio stations, websites or satellite television channels that utter a squeak of criticism. Put friends in all regulatory and oversight bodies. Harass non-governmental organisations. Ridicule intellectuals. Intimidate everybody with a lethal anti-drug campaign. Strew the country with defamation suits. Pour scorn on democracy, rights and the rule of law.

6. Be absolutely clear about what you’re doing. Say things like, “As a prime minister, my motto is: you must be rich and don’t stop becoming richer!”

7. Get the most respectable bank in the country to finance and otherwise assist some of the most flagrant deals. This makes things look a little bit better all round. Banks generally have no conscience, so this is quite easy to organise.

8. Sell while you are still in power. This is vital. Your family companies are worth a lot more when investors believe you have the power to improve their profits. Sell to another country where business and politics are delicately intertwined and potential criticism kept well under control. This will maximise mutual understanding. Shortly before the sale, engineer a few changes in the laws and regulations, raising the deal’s attractiveness to the buyer. Only you are in a position to do such things, so don’t be shy. Choose the sales method that minimises tax liability. In the process, you might have to break several other laws and rules, such as disclosure obligations, foreign-shareholding limits or whatever. Don’t worry about these, because the penalties are minor, and anyway you are the boss of the people who impose any penalties. Tax laws can change with the seasons. Precedents are meaningless. Make sure all of the relevant regulatory bodies and government departments are ready to mount a smokescreen. Officials don’t need to know any details; just keep telling them: “The prime minister can do no wrong.” Don’t get sentimental about how these people might feel inside. Conscience is a luxury. This is about money. Have a team of Dobermanns on the government payroll, to snarl and snap at any critics.

9. Take no notice of the international reaction. The foreign press will start to portray your country as a banana republic run by some murderous kleptomaniac. Take no notice. Forget that you have constantly accused your own critics of damaging the country’s image. Forget that you came to power by sledging your opponents for selling the country. Since you own the country, nationalism is whatever helps you.

10. There is one regulatory body not under your control: the Big One. There’s some risk that you could come back as a flea or even get stranded in the Lokanta [a level of hell mentioned in Thai literature] depths. Try bargaining. Promise to give away all of your property several times over in your next life. This would be only a bit more outrageous than what you promise people at election time. It might work.

Chang Noi is a pseudonym.

CHANG NOI

The Nation