Published on January 31, 2005

After lively debate, followed by careful consideration and then consensus, a group of political experts and a pundit from Buriram commissioned by Farang Affairs, are encouraging Expat Page readers to vote for the Chat Thai Party in Sunday’s election.

“We believe Chat Thai is totally incapable of running Thailand,” the experts and pundit said. “But because most people who read this page are farangs, and farangs are not eligible to vote, we have no hesitation in recommending they cast their ballot for Chat Thai.”

The experts and pundit from Buriram said that Chat Thai was the only party in Thailand whose leader was once the shortest prime minister in the world, and whose deputy is/was a commercial sex tsar.

“Although this means bugger all in the context of Thai politics where the bizarre seamlessly blends with what appears normal, it is an important factor to mention as it helps fill a few more lines on this page.

A recent survey suggested that if deputy leader Chuwit Kamolvisit was never arrested for his alleged part in the demolition of the Sukhumvit Soi 10 beer bars and retail outlets in 2002, he would never have entered politics.

“Once he was accused of criminal activities, Chuwit had the credentials to enter the political arena,” the experts said quietly so as not to wake the pundit from Buriram who had passed out.

“This gave Chuwit the opportunity to give back to the community after many years of giving backhanders to the police,” said someone outside by the window.

“It also gave him the opportunity to put his image and political slogans on giant billboards and stick his election posters on every second power pole in Bangkok,” said Spot, the office dog.

“How ironic,” said Ad Carabao, who had just finished filming a television commercial featuring rustic scenery, smiling country folk and a buffalo.

“Everything in this place is ironic,” said the guy who blocks out the ads on UBC.

Opportunism knocks

Chat Thai leader Banharn Silapa-archa has been involved in Thai politics since Noah was a lad. His Chat Thai Party is steeped in political ideology. No matter what the cultural, social or political situation at any given time the party has never strayed from its core belief – Opportunism.

Chat Thai believes that to make a difference and some good money on the side, it is essential to be in government rather than wallowing on the opposition benches.

So Chat Thai is always gracious enough to join a coalition with any party or parties in order to form a government. That way it is able to achieve its goal of helping the downtrodden improve their lot and large construction firms get big government infrastructure contracts.

Chat Thai is a partner in the outgoing Thai Rak Thai-led government. However, its position is tenuous as it is not needed for a government majority in Parliament and was initially invited to join the ruling coalition as a means of entrenching government power, which is no longer entrenched, but embedded.

Banharn’s relationship with Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra has been a bit shaky of late, especially since Chuwit joined Chat Thai.

Chuwit who had earlier formed his own political party called Thai Thinks Thai Are Okay, abandoned it to join Chat Thai, because of his unshakable commitment to the party’s ideals of Opportunism.

“Chuwit,” said the guy who blocks the ads on UBC, “figured that by joining Chat Thai and giving Barharn’s boys Bt70 million, he would end up with a junior ministry portfolio when Chat Thai joined the next government.”

However he neglected one factor. Thaksin dislikes him intensely, and told Banharn there was no way Chuwit was getting any ministerial job. So after forking out Bt70 million, he could end up with nothing.

“Ruff,” said Spot, the office dog.

Hubba hub

Aiding the call of the government to one day become the regional hub of region hubs, the ICT presents the following offering:

“The animation industry is growing following the Information and Communications Technology Ministry’s policy to promote Thailand as the regional animation hub.”

NCCC irony

News of the week: National Counter Corruption Commission (NCCC) under investigation for corruption.

That’s one to slap in the “Only In Thailand Folder”.

Being the National Counter Corruption Commission and all, we wonder if they are going to investigate themselves.

If that happens, we predict that they will find that there is insufficient evidence to recommend that they be charged.

The report will read.

“We found ourselves to be very co-operative in assisting us in our investigations. Our co-operation with us and the fact that we allowed ourselves to search all our records, indicated to us that we had nothing to hide.”

Sky-high audacity

My Thai friends arranged a dinner recently on the observation floors of the Baiyoke Sky Hotel, says reader Frank Lombard. “Upon arrival, the clerk confirmed the buffet price was Bt450. However, when I stepped forward to pay she was overruled by another member of staff and my price went up to Bt900 [because I was a foreigner].”

What the ...? How on earth can the Baiyoke Sky Hotel justify charging foreigners more for food? It’s criminal.

Resort hotels have two-tier pricing in off-season, as do theme parks and other privately run attractions.

Lumpini Boxing Stadium charges 10 times the rate for foreigners – the thieves.

Government-operated tourist attractions like national parks, museums, art galleries ,the Grand Palace and so on charge more for visitors. It justifies this duel pricing with the foreigners-don’t-pay-taxes argument.

That’s a crock. What about the 10 per cent hotel tax? What about VAT?

A large proportion of the Thai population doesn’t pay tax.

Tourists can end up paying more tax during a two-week visit than many locals (the one’s that do pay tax) pay in a year. Besides, being in many cases a legally sanctioned rip-off, the two-tier pricing policy is fundamentally racist.

So there.

Baht and balmy

Daniel from Baht and Sold sent us a few examples of ads that don’t always make it into his classified ad magazine, Thai Connect. Here’s a few:

For sale: ladyboy - high maintenance, must go NOW.

Bar for sale: don’t want no more (no further details, no location, name, price; nor any sign of intelligence).

Announcement: (name deleted) left us in London! You can’t hide in Thailand you @#%&! I WILL find you and then ... !

Satisfaction garaunteed (sic): Ladies, farang gives FULL massage ... (description deleted)

I will make you RICH! Send money and I’ll show you how...

Looking for free house and land in Chiang Rai.

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