Published on January 31, 2005

Inspiring the Team: Listening properly can work wonders

Over many years of talking to leaders and managers and reading many books about the skills that count the most, I would have to list “listening well” as the most important of all.

Think of one or two people in your life who, when you are in their company, make you feel you are the only person in the room. There will not be many people who fit this description. Yet what do those who do have in common?

The skill of “active listening” is not only an invaluable skill for all of us but may be the most important mark of an outstanding leader.

A study done some years ago made a long list of “manager characteristics” and tried to match this list against another list, a ranking of particular bosses in a company who were voted “the best” by their subordinates.

The characteristics listed were standard things like planning, organising, decision-making, communication skills – speaking was one – fairness and accountability. And listening.

I remember being struck by the outcome of this study.

It was found that the managers rated “best” by their employees also scored highest in the “ability to listen well”. The experts who carried out the study were further surprised to find that the managers who had been rated as “good listeners” were also rated as “good speakers”.

The lesson for me was that being a good listener may be a guarantee that you will also be seen as an excellent manager.

But why the importance of listening skills, you may wonder. If you think about those very few people you have considered “great listeners”, I believe you would agree that they affect us as follows:

l This person is really interested in me, more than others are.

l It seems that what I say is important to this person.

l Somehow, when I talk to this person, he or she makes me feel it is okay to explain more fully what I really think and feel than I usually do. I never feel that he is in a hurry to be somewhere else . . . so I actually tell him more than I otherwise would. I don’t feel I have to hold back.

l I come out feeling that what I say has significant value to this person. Actually I feel that “I myself have value” to this person.

There is a story told by a famous aristocratic courtesan in the 19th century who knew very important people, including two British prime ministers – Gladstone (apparently a terrific speaker) and Disraeli.

In her memoirs, she says: “I thought that Gladstone was the most interesting man I had ever met. Disraeli made me feel that I was the most interesting person he had ever met.” It seems that it was the good listener who won her heart, not the good speaker.

What’s the difference between great listeners and ordinary ones?

From our observation, most of us don’t fully engage with the person who is talking to us; we have other things on our mind. Our eye contact with the speaker can move around, instead of showing total attention.

We usually acknowledge what she is saying, with an “Okay, I got that”, “Uh huh”, “Right” or even “I see” or “I understand”.

The trouble with any of these responses is that they do not truly prove that we actually did understand the speaker, what the speaker meant and what he felt.

The great listener practices what has been called “active listening” by the eminent psychologist Carl Rogers. Such a listener’s great skill lies in paraphrasing what he hears.

For if he can paraphrase or summarise what he is hearing, the person talking to him will absolutely know that he or she is indeed being understood. And that knowledge is an enormous encouragement, a motivator.

This good manager tries hard not to interrupt the flow of what’s being told him by commenting, evaluating, or (most deadly of all) disagreeing with it. The idea is to hear the presenter out, summarise what was said and check to see if he did, in fact, successfully capture the essence of what he was told.

This skill of active listening requires a level of concentration which most of are simply not used to.

Based on the evidence, it could inspire each of us to practise and polish our listening.

It’s one way of making other people feel, and believe, that they are important.

Considering the pitfalls in cross-cultural communication between Thais and foreigners, this listening skill could make an enormous difference.

This article was contributed by Dr Henry Holmes, author of “Working with the Thais”, whose organisation specialises in consulting and training for Thai and international companies in the fields of team-building, leadership communication, cross-cultural partnerships and assertive skill-building. He can be reached at (02) 652 9025, crosscul@loxinfo.co.th or at his website, www.crossculmgmt.com.

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